What I’ve Learned in 2022

For some people, 2022 quickly passed by like a blink of an eye. But for me, who has gone through a lot of challenges just within the 365 days, this year feels like the longest year I have ever experienced.

 

Let me take you to my 2022 journey where I will be sharing with you some parts of my past that shaped who I am today. The lessons, experiences, and realizations this year had surpassed what the previous years have given me. 

Welcome to my year-end blog.

 

Honestly, I am still processing the things that occurred this year. But, one thing’s for sure is that I am not where I was and one of my proudest moments was being able to leave the place I thought I could never get out of. It’s scary yet amazing how someone’s life can change in just a year, month, week, or even a day. Experiences do change people. Not pain, not love, or hatred, but only experiences that gave us those emotions.

 

When life puts you in a situation where it will give you a new experience, suddenly, you are not that same person anymore. Along with change, experiences are also meant to help us grow. There are areas of our lives that need improvement and in order to achieve that, we must experience things first. 

As the saying goes, “Experience is the best teacher.”

This 2022, I became the experience’ favorite student. Well, it gave me a lot of assignments, activities and long tests that tested me physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

 

But what we do need to know about the life challenges is it is for us, not against us. If we seek the purpose of each life challenge, our perspective on it will change. Instead of seeing it as something that will break us, we will rather see it as something that will build us. Trust the challenge, but above all, trust your capability to overcome it.

 

Here are some lessons I got from being the experience’ favorite student.

 

1. You can always start again

 

            I, undeniably, made wrong decisions this year that made me lose track of where I am headed. I make mistakes after mistakes that I couldn’t be proud of doing. But this year revealed to me that no matter how much I mess up, I can always start again. It is not yet finished. I can still make things right. The privilege of being alive is you still get the chance to upgrade your life, do not take it for granted.

            You had a bad day? Start again tomorrow. You made a bad decision? Start from there. You messed up? Start again and do better. You can always start again, and if you are given this chance, don’t waste it. Restart as many times as you need to until you reach your desired goal.

 

2. Sometimes the relationship we want is not what we deserve and it just means we deserve something more

 

            This is probably the hardest pill I have to swallow this year. I fell in love with someone not good for me. I had a toxic relationship with that person yet I still wanted to keep him, even if he continuously hurts me. While I was wanting it, the Universe is giving me reasons why I should not. It’s giving me a message that it is not the kind of relationship I deserve. It is the Universe’s way of telling me that I am meant for something more than staying in a relationship that is beyond saving.

 

            Whatever’s meant for me… will find its way to me. Someday, I will be in a relationship where love and happiness outweigh the pain. The first step to achieving that is to never settle for less because there is something best waiting for me.

 

3. In order to grant peace, we must deny access to people who ruin it

 

            Being someone who has attachment issues, I find this so difficult to follow. But, I asked myself. Is that relationship really worth keeping that I had to put my peace at risk? The answer is no. If I have to sacrifice my peace for the sake of a relationship, it is not worth keeping. Relationships are supposed to be peaceful and if it is robbing us off the peace we deserve, it’s okay to cut it off.

 

            Until now, I am still having trouble with my attachment issues, until I learned that, if I can’t cut them off, I must create healthy boundaries and communicate it to them. If they fail to follow the boundaries I create, that’s where I have to deny their access to let them into my life. If we have to adjust our boundaries to keep someone, they’re not worth keeping.

 

4. Release the urge to explain yourself

 

            This year, I’ve been put into situations where I feel the urge to explain myself. My long-term relationship ended and upon breaking up with my boyfriend, I know a lot of people had judged me especially because I was quick to enter a new relationship. I know and I’m aware of the judging eyes that stare at me. I am bothered, yes. But, do they matter? No. Do their opinions about me matter? No.

 

            I found my peace in letting people judge me or talk about my life. I let them think whatever, as long as they are not interfering with my life. Releasing the urge to explain yourself will make you save a lot of energy. I haven’t mastered this yet, though, but this will be my goal for the next year and the following years to come.

 

5. Doing things on your own will make you realize how capable you really are

 

            If there is something I liked doing this year, it is doing things alone. If it can be called a hobby, then that’s the hobby I created this 2022. The best decision I made is going to the gym, even if doing it alone. Investing in fitness is a must as it has a lot of health benefits, it also helps me cope with my anxiety and helps me become better. This year, I went to the gym alone, I shopped alone, I traveled alone, and enjoyed things alone. It made me feel how capable I really am. That, I don’t really need anybody, myself is always enough.

 

            There is so much peace in doing things alone. But, of course, we still need some company as it satisfies our desire to socialize. Doing things alone and being with friends has to be balanced. Doing things alone just means not being dependent on anybody, you can survive even without having someone to rely on.

 

6. Never go back to what hurt you

 

            Honestly, the hardest part of breaking up is not to leave the person… but it is to not go back to them. At all. Anymore. Like, making them completely gone in your life. That’s why some exes settled for being just friends because they can’t bear to become strangers all over again. But, some exes have hurt us beyond repair that even being friends with them isn’t possible, simply because they do not deserve any space in our lives after ruining it.

 

            I had a hard time in this part of my life. Somehow, I let my love for him overpower the pain he made me feel. Until one day, I just faced the truth that he’s not worth keeping anymore. It’s time to cut ties. Love is not a reason to stay at all if it is also the reason why I am hurting in the first place. Going back to what hurt us is a huge risk we must not take. You’re already taking a step forward away from your pain, taking a step backward is going through hell again, something that you had already escaped from. The first step to moving on… is not going back to what hurt you.

 

7. You can love someone and still say goodbye to them. You can miss someone and still be glad that they’re not in your life anymore.

 

            Everytime I read this, my heart aches. My heart grieves for the love it wanted to give, but can’t because it means hurting her. I went through break-ups twice this year. Imagine getting your wound healed, only to be added another one much worse than the previous. I have a hard time healing and getting back on track. But, this lesson… this lesson helped me cope with the pain and heartbreak.

 

            I am such a lover, I give too much love to someone and it took me a hard time before I fully learned that if they’re not good in my life at all, I have to say goodbye to them… and to just love them from afar. Missing them will be inevitable, but I’d rather miss them than adjust my life in their presence. Cutting them off also means outgrowing them. In this lifetime, there are really a lot of people we have to outgrow in order to bloom.

 

8. We only regret the things we didn’t do

 

            Part of caring for my mental health is not regretting something I did, even if that’s a bad decision I made in the past, I do not like to regret that because there was a moment I became happy with that choice. Upon falling in love with the wrong guy, it helped me grow into the person I am meant to be. If I didn’t, I might not experience having my heart broken, I might not experience choosing myself and realizing my worth. 

 

            Along with this lesson, I have also learned to allow myself to make mistakes. This is how I learn. This is how I grow. This is how I will meet the best version of myself.

 

9. Don’t go through life, grow through life

 

            I remember a day where I cried my heart out, pleading God to take my pain away. I almost couldn’t breathe. The sleepless nights tortured me and the pain even haunted me in my dreams. It’s so hard to function each passing day. I remember, actually, having suicidal thoughts. For the first time in my life. Remembering those days at this very moment feels like reliving it all over again, but I am reminding myself that I am no longer at those days. I already left that place. I already survived, and it’s such a freeing feeling. A serenity. A peace.

 

            One of the questions I asked myself in the middle of a hard situation was, “When will I get through this? Will I ever get through this?” I almost feel hopeless and helpless. Then, this quote revealed itself to me. I don’t want to go through something without growing through it. I don’t want my pain to be wasted for nothing. If growing means hurting, then let me feel that pain. I wanted growth to be so worth it that if I remember my pain one day, I’d be grateful for it. 

 

10. Allow God to take over

 

            The most important lesson of the year. If there is Someone Who knows the solution to our problems, there is no other than Him. He knows the future. He knows what’s ahead of us. There came a point in my life where I don’t know what to do anymore, it is because I always take matters into my own hands that I forgot I have an all-knowing God. One night as I was praying, God revealed to me to surrender my battle to Him. It’s time that I give Him back the control over my life, something that I took away from Him, believing that I am fine on my own.

 

            Upon surrendering my situation, God gave me wisdom and suddenly, I knew what to do. He gave me the courage to perform what I had to do. Without God’s guidance to me this year, I wouldn’t have survived it. I am grateful that I allowed Him to take over. 

 

Now that I am at the end of this year, I am so glad I made it this far. I didn’t give up. Looking back at everything that happened within the 365 days, suddenly, everything just made sense. Like a puzzle, every piece fits perfectly together. I understand why something needs to happen, even if I dislike it, even if it brought me pain, even if losing someone, even if getting my heart shattered – everything's meant to happen to help me get to where I am meant to be.

 

Without experience, there are no realizations. 

Without mistakes, there are no lessons.

Without breaking points, there are no breakthroughs. 

Everything has a purpose. I am grateful for the pain and heartbreaks, they revealed to me the things I don’t deserve and I don’t really want. I am grateful for the experiences, good or bad, they allowed me to meet my future self.

 

As I leave 2022, I don’t want to give space to hate and anger, I would rather fill it with gratitude and peace to everything that happened. 2022 is the year I became hurt the most, but also the year I became the happiest. It was the year that broke me the most, but also the year that rebuilt, renewed, and restored me. Above all, I grew more this year, changed more, and matured more. In 2023, may it be my season for blooming.

 

Yours Truly,

 

Clar ♡